*Tuesday, December 10th, 2002~
nothing i didn't already know....
i'm fine, and the baby's fine. no diabetes for me, no defects with the babe. feeling better knowing that, even if i already knew it intuitively....good to know concretely. the diabetes test yesterday was lame as expected, but the ultrasound today was pretty cool, even if it did involve waking up at 6am and driving for three hours in total. new pictures too....though i can't seem to make them work here for some reason....
so my mom is currently on an airplane from california coming here for an indefinite period of time. tomorrow morning is another midwife appointment, during which i'm assuming we will discuss the big question.....to induce, or not to induce? my vote is for inducing, because of the aforementioned risk of prolapsed cord, which is a much bigger risk than any of the risks associated with inducing. but we shall see. feeling like it's time.... will update sometime tomorrow. hungry now. bye.
*Saturday, December 7th, 2002~
so yesterday i had my weekly midwife prenatal checkup. ended up quite differently than expected. got sent for another ultrasound, some bloodwork, pee test, a non-stress test which involves being hooked up to a fetal monitor for about 20 minutes, and came out of there with a couple more appointments for further stuff. basically, i have an abnormal amount of amniotic fluid (normal is 21-24 cm depending on who you ask, and i'm about 26cm), which explains why i'm consistently measuring larger than i should be. (and why i weigh so much!) right now, i'm measuring and feeling like someone who is 40 weeks pregnant (i'm 36) or carrying twins. i'm officially on bedrest now, due to increase in blood pressure, and i'm supposed to let them know if i start seeing spots or flashing lights and having headaches. there is a possibility that they may induce me soon, which is terribly frustrating and also somewhat ironic, considering that i was in labor last week and they made a big deal about stopping it, and now they're saying "well, maybe your body just needs to have this baby." well, great, thanks....
so because of the abnormal amount of fluid i have to go back in for that sucky sucky gestational diabetes test that involves fasting and then alot of blood drawing on monday, because that could be a cause of the fluid. or it could be that the baby has a problem in his upper gastro-intestinal tract that makes him unable to swallow which would involve a surgery when he is born, so just to make sure he doesn't have that, we have to drive for an hour and a half on tuesday morning to go to a fancy hospital that has one of those 3-D color detail level 2 ultrasound machines that can see fingernails and eyelashes and stuff (as seen on tv). then depending on what the diabetes test and the ultrasound show, and also on my blood pressure at my next checkup on wednesday morning, they may induce me. or maybe not.
there are all kinds of things i can be worrying about now. but i'm trying not to, because my birthmom had the same fluid problem, and it was just that she had alot of fluid for no reason and everything was fine, so this probably is just a genetic thing i'm experiencing. but they have to make sure, and rule out all these things and in the meantime they're telling me not to worry. and oh yeah, there's also a chance of prolapsed cord, which is a major medical emergency that would involve calling 911 and riding to the emergency room for an emergency c-section with some paramedic guy's arm up my stuff holding the baby's head back......but that's just something to be aware of, i really shouldn't worry about it. riiiight. western medicine......*sigh*
bedrest is really boring, by the way. especially when you don't have TV. why couldn't they just have let me have him last week when he was trying to come out?!?!?!?!
*Wednesday, December 4th, 2002~
so the baby doesn't seem to be coming anytime soon anymore....it's rather frustrating, but i somehow came to some kind of peace with having to wait last night. i'm still mad that my labor was stopped, but i'm not going quite as crazy over this as i was just a couple days ago. i am pretty tired though.
i'm in physical therapy three times a week now, for my back pain because my belly is so abnormally big for my frame. that's cool, and i'm sure it will help and be worth it, but it involves waking up early alot and driving 20 minutes each way and extra money spent on gas. besides that, nothing much new to report. no baby yet.
my friend put it well:
"Baby comes when baby comes! It reminds me of waiting for seeds to sprout as a kid.... every day you run over to the tray, and everyday, there's no sprout. Until one day, probably when you've figured they were all dead, there's like, five sprouts!"
I think there's also an element of Murphy's Law to all of this too....my Mom was going to fly out tomorrow in case he came now that I'm off of the pills, but we both figured that if she comes out he won't be born, and if she doesn't that he will. So she's staying there, and coming when I call her. He'll probably wait until she doesn't have anyone to cover for her at work anymore. We've known all along that he's a smart-ass like his Daddy....! ;)
*Thursday, November 28th, 2002~
this is so frustrating! I was totally in labor yesterday and I had to call Randall out of work and we went to the hospital and everything. Then the midwife decided that it would be best to keep me pregnant a little while longer because he'd have been a little premature if he'd come out yesterday or today, so they put me on drugs to stop the contractions. So I got a shot and a bunch of pills to take until December 4th, which is when I will be officially 36 weeks pregnant, which is considered term. So I get to feel like crap for a week, and the baby is mad too because he really wanted to get out NOW, and I'm sure the drugs are making him feel just as messed up as me....I feel all fuzzy-numb and kinda disassociative. I feel like how I feel when I'm trying to make an important phone call and the operator asks me to hold please and then I sit there forever, only multiplied by infinity.
I know that he would be fine if he came out now. I was starting to get into the life force energy flowing through me to get him out, and then all of a sudden they shut it off with that shot....I can't explain how messed up my energy got. I'm so tempted to say "screw this" and stop the pills and just bring on labor again. But the very small chance that something could go wrong if he came out now is keeping me from it....Should I trust my instincts, or should I trust my doubt? It seems like an easy choice, since I know my instincts are right. But I can't be selfish....if keeping him in there is the best thing for him, that's what I have to do. right? i just don't know how to feel or what to do right now....I feel so shut down that I'm just listening to the medical people and being passive about it. stupidness. I feel like he was supposed to come out, and I am supposed to have him in my arms, and now I don't, and it's making me sad.
*Wednesday, November 27th, 2002~
ha! not to say "I told you so" but... apparently I've been walking around being 3 centimeters dilated and 70% effaced! this after almost 4 days of trying to tell my husband and midwives that I really didn't think this was normal false contractions happening. last night I started having the worst back pain I've ever had in my life, and it's still going on. my contractions are still persistent, and I'm going "OW!" all the time. so this morning we go in for my checkup with the midwife, and I describe all of this and say that I feel like it's going to be any time now. I also explained that we had plans to be going to Boston for Thanksgiving, and I really didn't want to get stuck delivering at Mass General. she says, "well, what you're describing is normal. it sounds like you're just having Braxton-Hicks contractions. But I'll go ahead and check you just to see if it will make you feel better." sure enough, she goes poking around in there and looking suprised says, "Well, you're right! You're 3 cm, and 70% thinned out!" and I'm saying to myself, "Gee, really? It's so suprising that I know what's going on in my own body!"
anyhow, no trip to Boston. I could be going into active labor anytime between now and two weeks from now, but there's no way to tell. the midwife also said that my belly was measuring bigger than it should be for how far along I am, and she had me go get another ultrasound, which we just got back from. they are estimating that Gabe weighs 6lbs. 2oz right now, although there could be as much as a 2lb. error in either direction, which is not terribly helpful. he is very cute-ing. we have another picture of him now, and we'll have a picture of him for real soon enough! it's very possible that the next time I write could be to announce his birth! (then again, it may be several more posts of you having to hear me go on about how antsy I'm getting....!)
*Tuesday, November 26th, 2002~
so on Sunday, I felt the desperate need to get ALL of the baby laundry done so it could be folded and put away, meaning clothes, sheets, blankets, hats, socks, burp cloths, bibs.....i think it was 5 loads. so we get home from the laundromat, get everything inside, and i sit down to rest a bit before getting to folding and putting away, and i notice that i'm having rather constant contractions that didn't go away upon sitting down. so i lay down and drank some water and had a snack and relaxed, which should make them go away if they are braxton-hicks (false) contractions. they got more frequent over the next three hours. at 2:30am, i called the hospital and had them page my midwife, who called me back sounding very sleepy. she told me to go to sleep and they should go away, but if not, i should go to the hospital. i went to sleep and slept for a while, so i didn't have to go to the hospital, but i'm still having lots and lots of contractions even now. i'm not sure that we're gonna make it to boston for thanksgiving....i might just be having this kid really soon.
....either that, or i'm in for an uncomfortable couple of weeks, as every time i get up from lying down i start having stronger contractions! anyway, i'm 35 weeks pregnant, and 99% of all babies born at 35 weeks do just fine. 36 weeks is considered "term". he'd probably be small but fine if i had him now, so i'm not really worried, i'm just not done getting the apartment ready!
it's funny....one thing i heard was that if i found myself doing loads of baby laundry, watch out, the baby will come soon! though everyone has something to say about when my baby will come. the building inspector who came this morning said that all first-born babies come two weeks late as a rule. i hear stuff like this all the time. i think i'm more likely to know if my body is getting ready than some guy with an old wives' tale. seriously! i know this kid is coming early. i mean, not only am i having contractions, but my pelvic bone is rapidly changing along with my hip sockets....i literally feel my pelvis splitting in half and opening. it's very strange feeling. don't try to tell me that i'm not going to go into labor until the middle of January. ..sheesh!
i have a theory.... every baby i've heard of who was born in the past few months has come early, and has been just fine. i think this is some evolutionary thing happening. my kid will be telepathic and stuff, you'll see!
*Friday, November 22nd, 2002~
Tomorrow Randall has the day off, and he got to bed very early, which I hope means we will be able to get alot done around here. That would be a happy. I want to go to the laundromat and wash all the baby clothes and blankets and bedding, and everything I will need to pack my hospital bag too. I think that my overwhelming need to get this done means that he is coming very soon. We both have strongly felt through the whole pregnancy that he is a Sagittarius, not a Capricorn....and the Sun goes into Sagittarius tomorrow. Combine that with the fact that he's moved into position already.... I feel like it could be any time now. I still have so much to do.....!
*Wednesday, November 20th, 2002~
the baby has been in the process of dropping for the past while. today i noticed a big difference. he's definetly dropped now. which means it's only a matter of a few weeks before he comes. i'm feeling the need to do things like pack the bag for the hospital stay. it is fast approaching. last night with the full moon/lunar eclipse happening, i kept worrying i was going into labor, or that i was going to at any second. actually, i'm feeling like that alot lately. last night was also our last childbirth class. we started the class out 5 weeks ago and there were 4 couples in the class. last night there were 2...just us and one other. one of the couples had their baby over the weekend....she was early and weighed 5 pounds but was healthy. the other girl didn't come to class because she had been in the hospital the night before with contractions. i feel like i have to get ready NOW.
*Wednesday, November 13th, 2002~
This morning was another appointment with the Midwife...I told her about how I got freaked out yesterday about twins, and she reassured me that things like that don't really ever happen, and that I shouldn't be worried because there's only one in there. To be sure, she really felt my belly to feel exactly where he is and how big, etc. He's not too big, and he's already turned so he's facing head down just like he should be. So I don't have to worry about him being breech either. I'm glad that silliness about worrying about suprise twins only lasted one night! ;)
I only have about 4 more visits to the Midwives until my due date! Better get crackin' with the preparations.....
*Tuesday, November 12th, 2002~
today we bought diapers, baby oil, baby powder, and diaper rash ointment. i shouldn't be this excited about *diapers*!
just got back from another childbirth class....we did this excercise where you hold a handful of ice as tight as you can until it hurts, and then you practice your breathing and it's supposed to illustrate to you how breathing can help you manage your pain during a contraction. all the other expectant moms were having trouble with this concept. i wasn't even flinching. i'm very glad that i understand yoga breathing. i'm not nervous about being able to get through labor at all.
one of the women from the class freaked me out though....she told me that her friend gave birth to twins when she thought she was only having one. she had had three ultrasounds and they only ever saw one of the babies....the other one was hiding exactly behind the one in front. this makes me afraid that i am having twins....i know i'm bigger than i'm supposed to be, and everyone keeps asking me how many are in there, AND in the beginning of my pregnancy we were convinced it was twins. that would be great if we knew about it and were prepared, but we are only prepared for ONE now. scary!
*Monday, November 11th, 2002~
Last night, Randall started reading The Hobbit to Gabe. He's going to read a chapter a night and do the whole "Lord of the Rings" series. Let me tell you, my little Gabriel was more excited for that whole hour than he has been in his entire little life so far! He was all over the place, moving and kicking the whole darn time. I have a feeling that this tradition will continue after his birth and be just as successful. He was enthralled. I'm going to make sure that we bring whichever book we're on when I go into labor so Randall can read a chapter to him in the hospital....I'm sure he'll recognize it and react similarly. It's very exciting! (and sweet, too.)
Besides that, I'm having some not-so-fun body changes going on. First of all, one thing I was unaware of: as your belly grows, the muscles that run up and down alongside of your bellybutton basically split so the giant uterus can get through. This results in some very disconcerting numbness of the belly, right around the button and in a vertical line above and below it. It feels like the topical anaesthetic that dentists use....I can still feel something when I pinch the skin, but it feels very numb. (Like what they do for stitches, probably.) It's bizarre, and I've been running into things with my belly because I can't feel where it is. Today I opened the refrigerator door right into it. Besides the belly numbness, I've been having alot of stuffy/bloody nose issues. This is because the extra pregnancy fluid causes the lining of the nose to swell. This in combination with the fact that my lungs are being compressed upwards makes it very difficult to breathe now. I feel like I may as well have asthma or something. I feel like the air is always heavy and stuffy and that there's not enough oxygen. Also, I'm continuing to have exciting heartburn. All these things make sleeping next to impossible. If I do manage to get comfortable enough to fall asleep despite all this, I'm waking up for a pee within 2 hours anyway. I suppose the sleep deprivation is good practice, right?! Now I understand why everyone always told me that the last part of pregnancy isn't fun. I'm still managing to enjoy it though....I'm savoring this time as best as I can.
*Wednesday, November 6th, 2002~
Last night was another Childbirth Ed. class....this week it was the tour of the Birthing Center, which we had already seen. But last night's tour was in more depth, and was very good. I got to try out sitting on a birthing ball, which I thought was very comfortable and will most likely use alot during labor. The birthing center is really a great place, and I am very excited to be able to have our baby there. It's getting so close so fast! One cool thing we found out about the birthing center is that they have a little internet station where they will take a picture of your baby and put it up on the hospital's website immediately, so you can call your family and friends and tell them where to go to see the baby's first picture while you are still having your hospital stay. I think that's pretty cool. So when Gabriel is born, you can see a picture of him along with his weight and length and time of birth here.
Today I had another checkup with the Midwives .....Gabe and I have both gotten *alot* bigger in the last two weeks! Usually when we say our little prayer before eating, I will say "I hope this food makes my baby big and strong and healthy and happy." I have started leaving off the "big". He's already going to be big. I'll just focus on "strong and healthy and happy" for the rest of the pregnancy! My midwives told me a while back that maybe the reason I was gaining so much weight was because of my carbohydrate intake, so I've been watching that. I'm still gaining just as much weight, so now they're saying that maybe I'm not getting enough protein and I've got alot of fluid weight. Well, one of the things they told me to cut out of my diet was my protein shakes because of the carbs! Aargh! Rather frustrating....so I'm making an executive decision on MY body and MY pregnancy, and I'm going back to protein shakes. I'd rather get enough of the nutrients that Gabe needs than worry about being "fat". If nobody had ever told me what a "normal" weight gain for a pregnancy was, I would not be worried at all right now. So I'm deciding that it's silly to be worried about my weight gain, since it's mostly all belly anyway. If I was ballooning out all over it would be a different story. I'll probably pee alot of it out right away after having him. My birthmother told me that after having my little sister, she peed out 40 pounds of water weight before even leaving the hospital. I wouldn't be suprised if something like that was going on with me. I certainly don't *look* like I weigh what the scale says! Silly thing to fixate on, right?!
*Friday, November 1st, 2002~
Gabe is running out of room to do his usual somersaults now, as he is completely filling up what space he had. He is under my ribs, which is resulting in exciting heartburn for mommy, and increasingly uncomfortable sleeping. But as of this week I am 8 months along, and in not too terribly long the baby should drop down into my pelvis, making more room for my stomach and lungs. That will be good. I feel like there isn't enough time to get everything done and ready....I feel like he's going to come very early. Probably every pregnant woman feels that way, though.
It's starting to be Winter, and I'm told that it's getting cold. I wouldn't know, since due to hormones, I'm hot most of the time. Randall is usually always warmer than me, and it's reversed currently. He looks at me like I'm crazy when I'm running around the house in a tank top opening windows and he's got on his flannel pj's and wool socks and a sweatshirt. It's supposed to snow for the first time tonight....but I doubt I'll even be sleeping with a blanket. Funny business.
One stupid thing-- at exactly the same time, my nesting urges have increased and my energy level has dropped. So I have all these things I REALLY want to do, and no energy to do them! Nature is not without a sense of humor. Kinda mean humor though.....!